Yogahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Why did I leave you?

In addition to all this weight loss, body image craziness that has been going on with me this week, (and we WILL get back to that....of that you can be sure) something else rather heavy has been on my mind...............I KNOW! How do I cram it all in my petite head? The mind reels!

But this past weekend, I had a long conversation with my Momma. My awesome, wonderful, funny, smart, loving, supportive ROCK STAR of a mother! All you bitches should be WAY jealous, because THIS flower won the lottery when it came to Momma's! That's fo sho! (Oh sure, I had to share my winnings with two OTHER people; my sisters, but they don't bogart her much so it's all good!)

Anyhoo, we were talking about my tendency to hate everyone I've never met, perhaps because I was talking to her while I was at The Targhetto near my house and I was bitching about how the lady behind me was totally up my shit, crowding me in line, bumping her cart into my ass, getting her things next to my things on the conveyor belt, I mean THE NERVE! Given all of those heinous crimes, OF COURSE I hated her! That's me. Crowd me? I hate you. Cut me off in traffic? I REALLY hate you. In front of me and moving slower than I'd like (which by the way seems to be EVERY being on the planet) and I begin actively plotting your death! Not a really attractive quality, I know. One that sort of bothers my mom I think, especially the older she gets.

The rational me knows that I have NO IDEA what those people's days have been like. Maybe that person who is annoying the crap out of me just got dumped or fired or maybe their dog just died. Maybe they just found out they have cancer and have 3 weeks to live. Everyone deserves patience and kindness even if they are completely different from me in every way. Even if they are slow or annoying or obnoxious. My heart tells me that I should be nice to everybody. I get it. But for whatever reason, when I am out in the world encountering people, my heart is cowering under a rock somewhere while the rest of me goes on a rampage. I'm never outright mean, I don't talk to people and tell them how horribly they are getting in my way or making my day a big pile of shit. I don't flip them off from the car window as I go speeding by. Hell, I don't even want them to see me roll my eyes lest they get an inkling of how much I loathe them. But on the inside? On the inside everything I have is screaming out loud...just not so anyone can hear.

During the course of my conversation with my Momma, she tells me that what she does is to treat everyone she encounters like they might be Jesus in disguise, that way, you can't go wrong. A little history about my Mom, I would say she is more spiritual than religious but she did grow up Catholic, VERY Catholic as a matter of fact and has kind of ebbed and flowed when it came to her faith. I think its more of an internal thing for her, meaning she doesn't go to church EVERY week, but I know she goes, still goes to confession from time to time, has tons of fun and funky Catholic art around the house, says her prayers on a daily basis, etc. She's religious, but not RELIGIOUS if you know what I mean. Even so, she's leaps and BOUNDS above this doubting Flower. I won't even get into my long standing struggles with faith here people. But I know that when my mom is saying that she looks at other people like they may be Jesus, I know that she actually believes it. There is probably a hint of humor in there for her, but that is how she looks at it and that is what helps her.

I started thinking about my attitude towards others as I have done on many prior occasions. I started thinking that in the past I had tried to make a conscious effort to be kinder, more patient, more tolerant of those I share this planet with, but that it only lasted a brief while and I was right back to my old ways. In fact, I was thinking about how I might just be a hopeless case in this area, when I remembered something. I remembered a brief period of time where I actually WAS being more patient, more mindful of other people and how their days might be going. When was that, I wondered. It wasn't that long ago. And then I remembered..............it was when I was going to Yoga and reading articles in Yoga magazines about peace and tranquility and managing stress. During the period of time last spring, my heart actually started to change a bit, it became a bit softer, a bit more tolerant. I remember being in line at the market and NOT wanting to kill everyone. I enjoyed my time waiting with peace in my heart and it was fabulous. And then for whatever reason, I quit going to Yoga and went right back to being my old cranky self.

There's a lesson in here somewhere folks. And what might that be I wonder? GET YOUR ASS BACK TO YOGA YOU IDIOT!!!!! Oh yeah, that's it. Ommmmmmmmmmm.