Scroll down for the latest blog entry!

See: Oklahoma! The Final Story which says it was published on 4/24 but in reality, I just posted it now (4/29) Enjoy peeps!

I guess it's not a BAD thing that I've been busy living life instead of keeping up with my blog, right? But it sure does make me feel a bit........what's the word I'm looking for????neglectful?lazy?negligent??that doesn't seem quite right but you kind of get the idea. It seems I'm too busy for my own good right now. I have a to-do list a mile long but I seem to be creatively finding tiny stolen pockets of time to chip away at it. Yesterday I stole away from work for an hour to visit my chiropractor and while in the car on the way to and from, I made a few phone calls to take care of some things that had been nagging at me. Then last night when I got home from my crazy doctor (with whom I had an AWESOME session and left there just feeling SO good about myself!) I met up with a housekeeper I had hired for the evening who helped me erase some of the disgusting sludge that had accumulated on my floors as of late. I have never hired a housekeeper before but I just couldn't face tackling that house on my own and she did the BIG stuff (floors, baseboards, the bathroom) while I attacked the dust, the cobwebs and washed all the curtains and windows. We were at it for 3 hours and afterwards, it seemed like I had earned a cocktail so I headed over to Cam and Randy's porch for an hour or two of wine and conversation. Not a bad way to spend a Tuesday I suppose.

Tonight I meet back up with Dru, the sadist. I look forward to his no-nonsense approach and I'm sure I will get a thorough ass kicking. While I've been keeping all my training appointments, I haven't made it to yoga in a while and I'm thinking I may try and start going before work, set the tone for the day and that sort of thing, but I will have to give it a trial run because the locker room there only has two showers and I'm not sure if I will be able to get ready afterwards and get myself to work in a reasonable amount of time. I also haven't been running much and I know my lung capacity is suffering. I doubt I could run much farther than a block or two right now but that's ok. I'm sort of just coasting right now. I am out of the habit of daily weigh ins, I'm pretty much eating whatever (but not out of control) and I think I have only gained a pound or two but I know there's a clamp down in my future. I really want to focus on dumping a few before I head to NYC in June to get my new tattoo! (That's a story for another time.) My girl Keith is coming to visit me this weekend and I'm thinking after she leaves would be a good time. We'll see.

So I'm off to enjoy my Wednesday. By the looks of things this morning, we may be getting a few spring showers today and that's A-OK with me. Hope you all enjoy your Hump Day!

Boats and Bonfires

You would think that with a big, fancy, new computer, I'd be blogging MORE not less.......but you'd be wrong. Things have just been insanely busy for me the last few weeks. I am still working on getting some more pics from Oklahoma published but have just been too busy with organizing the wedding photos and taking care of other business........

.....such as being on a boat, bitch! (If you haven't seen Andy Sandberg's You Tube video of I'm on a Boat Bitch with T-Pain, you should look that up and watch it immediately. Hilariously awesome stuff!) Yes, this weekend, we dropped the Filthy Whore II in the water. Here she is in all her glory!


Our neighbor h drove us to Red Wing and dropped us off at the boat storage place. (Thanks h and Otto! You will be repaid with a boat ride very soon!) At that point, she was still on an ENORMOUS trailer and in need of some gas. So, while The Captain visited the local hardware store to get something signed by a notary (ONLY in Minnesota will you find the only notary in town employed by Hardware Hanks!) I got to ride in this AWESOME big rig and go to the gas station.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I was really excited to climb up into that big rig! I mean c'mon people, it had bunk beds! BUNK BEDS! Inside a truck cab! Fabulous! I think it was my first official ride in a truck that large and I had fun climbing up the stairs and bouncing in the seat and chatting up the total badass that was driving that rig. After the FWII gobbled up close to 200 bucks in gas, we met The Captain at the marina. Here he is standing with the previous owner just before we put in.

Always one for a good story, I had to inquire about the name. Turns out the previous owner was Czechoslovakian and bought this boat as his last move just before he got married so he wouldn't be one of those guys who couldn't get a boat because their wives said no. Ha! Anyway, when I asked what his last name was I noticed it didn't sound very Czechoslovakian he told me that as kids, his father and uncles used to get beat up all the time because of their last name so their dad shortened the name to sound more German since all the kids doing the beating were German. Good story but sad that they lost part of their heritage because of that. I think I would have hit the courts to have it legally changed back but that's just me. Anyway, before long we were on the river powering north and The Captain was looking mighty at home!

That is some serious joy on that mans face! Doesn't he look adorable? The boat did great and we encountered no problems on our 3 hour trip from Red Wing to Saint Paul. Everything went so smoothly in fact, that I climbed below to test out the master bedroom. Turns out, that bed makes for some good napping and I caught about an hour snoozer. Once we got our new girl all tucked away in her new slip, it was time to turn our attention to some celebrating.

We started off with cocktails on Cam and Randy's porch.

(Yes, I've been playing with the iPhoto edit program a bit!)
What a couple of bad asses!
And a couple of fabulous hosts!

Later, some other neighbors had a bonfire in their back yard and we wandered over to warm up and hang out. It was fun to be outside again even though it was chilly.

So that was our Saturday. Sunday was spent indoors due to the cold and rain. Ick. I did the laundry, ran some errands, worked on the wedding photos, etc. The Captain mostly held down the couch but that's what you are supposed to do on your day off, right?

Hope you all enjoyed some time off as well. Anchors Aweigh till next time!

Oklahoma, The final story!

Well, I’m just back from Oklahoma and I had such a great trip! Let’s see…where to start? I flew in Thursday night and my dad picked me up at the airport. We headed back to his house where his wife and their 8 dogs were waiting. Yes, I said EIGHT! They have one black lab and 7 little Norwich Terriers! It was a lovely evening so we sat on the patio and my dad grilled some chicken which we enjoyed with new potatoes and salad.

The next day I got up and toddled off to get a pedicure. My feet were looking a little snaggly and not at all as pretty as they normally do so I found a place close to my Dad’s and got that taken care of. Ahhhhh! Now my toes are ready for flip flop season! Funny how that makes me feel so much better. After that, we had some breakfast at the house and then took off to enjoy the blooming flowers. Dad drove us through a bunch of neighborhoods with amazing yards and to Woodward Park to check out the dogwoods and azaleas. They were so gorgeous! I can’t believe how pretty everything was so of course I had to jump out of the car and take a bunch of photos. After checking out the flowers, we had some lunch and then headed back home.

Once there I packed up my Dads car with my suitcase and photography gear and headed to my Mom’s house in Bartlesville. It’s about a 45 minute drive there and I enjoyed checking out the rolling prairie dotted with cows and oil wells. While I have never lived in Oklahoma it still feels like home since Mom and Dad both grew up there, my grandparents always lived there and both my parents live there. It’s always nice to go back and soak up my family. Anyway, when I got there, Mom and I took both of her beagle dogs for a walk. When we got back from our walk, we found my sister Tracy there waiting for us. She lives a few hours away in Arkansas and came in to visit and attend my cousin’s wedding. After having dinner at home with my sister and my Aunt Boopy and Uncle Jim Bob, I had to go to my Aunt Diane and Uncle Steve’s house to photograph the rehearsal dinner.

Me with Uncle Jim Bob!

My aunt had forgotten to talk to me about the rehearsal dinner so I hadn’t planned on going but she just wanted me to come and observe so I would have an idea of how the ceremony would proceed but I figured as long as I was there, I might as well shoot it, right? Since those shots were candid, I didn’t use my tripod and instead hand held the camera body and flash. I’ll tell you folks, that is one heavy rig and by the end of the night, my wrists were killing me! But it was great getting to know my new flash and familiarizing myself with my cousin Judith’s fiancé and in-laws since I’d never met them before.

After I got back to Mom’s house, Tracy and I headed out to the local bar for a few cocktails. We talked and talked and talked and just had a great time catching up.

The next day was my BIG day! After lingering with my sister over coffee and English Muffins, I headed over to my aunt and uncles’ house to start my photo shoots. First up was my cousin Lisa and her 3 kids. Braeden is 10, Bryce is 8 and Emma Frances is 6.

Bryce and I are extra special pals because we are both middle children and he has just crawled inside my heart! They wanted to keep it simple and relaxed so all the kids were in khaki shorts and plain white t-shirts with bare feet. I LOVE IT! The weather was iffy but the rain managed to stay away for a few hours so we could get our shoots in and best of all? No sun to make the kids eyes all squinty! The new flash I got did a great job and I got some really amazing shots.

Next up was my cousin Michelle’s kids. Michelle has FIVE kids and they were dressed the same as Lisa’s kids. Mitchell is 12, Macy is 10, Mark is 8, Micah is 5 and Mary Kate is 10 months. They were a little harder because of the baby but Lisa and Michelle danced around behind me like idiots and I think we actually got a few shots of all 5 kids smiling. Next it was time to combine Lisa and Michelle’s kids together since they are all first cousins and they get together often. Same situation as before, with Lisa and Michelle dancing around behind me, grabbing my butt trying to get the smiles from the kids! I think we got some good ones.

And finally, it was time for Mark’s First Communion portraits. Michelle brought a book with Mitchell and Macy’s pictures from their First Communion so I had a great idea of what she was looking for and I used the same kinds of poses Mitchell had. It helps to know exactly what the client is looking for and I was really glad she brought that book.

After wrapping those 4 photo shoots, I took my totally tired wrists home to rest! Being that I’m not much of a napper, and since it was still early and the wedding wasn’t until 7pm, my sister and I ran around doing some shopping and we ate lunch at a pizza place that I miss because they don’t have them in MN. Then it was time to get ready; I needed to shower and do my hair. It was a wedding after all so I figured I should look nice! I straightened my hair, pulled on comfortable black pants a new black shirt I had bought that day and really good black shoes; no way was I wearing heels while working!

I drove out alone to Woolarock (where the wedding was taking place) since I had to get there so early. Frank Phillips who started Phillips 66 Oil Company lived in Bartlesville and had a number of large homes in the area. Woolarock was his ranch retreat with tons of land, rivers and a variety of log cabins and buildings. Mr. Phillips collected all sorts of animals so now in addition to a large museum and the original homes, there is a drive through animal safari. I stopped along the way in and took some pictures of the signage and scenery and then went looking for the bride. Judith was nervous and the baby had been kicking all day so she was tired and uncomfortable as well but in good spirits. Anyway, I photographed Judith getting ready with her bridesmaids and all that chaos. Just before the ceremony was about to begin, I made sure the groom was sequestered and I took Judith outside for some portraits. She looked really stunning and I got some great shots of her alone, with her sisters and her other bridesmaids.

Then it was time for the actual wedding. I think if you could actually smell adrenaline, I probably would have reeked! This was the part I was really nervous about because you only get one shot at it. If you miss a moment, you are screwed! There was no videographer or anything so I was it! My sister said it was the only time she saw me close to losing my composure but it was just because I was moving from location to location so I could keep up with what was going on. She could tell I was nervous but hopefully nobody else could. (I think most people were focused on what REALLY mattered.....the bride and groom!) Things went fairly well. I realized that next time I need to wear clothing with pockets because I ended up having to put a fresh memory stick in my bra which I discretely pulled out during a lull in the action to be sure I could capture the kiss and recession with no worry. When it was all over, I could have passed out with relief but NO! It was time for family portraits.

Luckily, I’m a pro at bossing people around and I was able to direct traffic fairly well and get all the shots I needed. I remembered from my wedding that family portraits was when I was the MOST crabby and tired so I tried to make it quick and pleasant for the bride and groom and they seemed to weather it fairly well. We still had enough daylight so we were able to do the family portraits outside, much to my relief. Then it was time to move indoors.

The light in the reception area was fairly easy to work with. I love my new flash so much and it’s amazing the difference I can see in my images verses my horrid pop up flash! The light is so much softer and more flattering. I took pictures of the cake and all the food along with the centerpieces and napkins with Jude and David’s names on them. I also took tons of candid’s since that’s what Judith really wanted but I also took some formal portraits of some families by the hearth where the light was all warm and golden. I think I shot about 700 photos during the wedding and reception and I think they will be very pleased with what I was able to capture.

It started thunder-storming towards the end of the reception and oh how I love those Oklahoma rumblers! The prairies make for wide open skies and you really get a killer view! This particular storm had heavy rain, some light hail, big booming thunder and HUGE bolts of lightening; really thick and they splintered into a million smaller bolts turning the sky into an enormous spider’s web. Woolarock has a low water bridge that had water running over it when I arrived and the skies were dry. We were informed that we need to bug out quickly because the bridge was getting pretty treacherous. Yikes! I did my best to protect my camera gear and got it in the car safely. Me on the other hand, I looked like a drowned rat from running out to get the car while my sister kept my camera safe until I came back to pick her up. If I wasn’t so busy driving us home I would have loved to have captured some of those lightening bolts. AMAZING!!! They just lit up the entire road every time they shot out of the clouds and my sister sat in the passenger’s seat just squealing with delight. It was pretty incredible. I wish I could have sat on a porch somewhere and really experienced it instead of taking most of it in from the car. Oh well.

Because I had not had anything to drink when we got home, my sister and I headed back out to the bar for a few. We had another great chat before heading home and crawling into bed. On Sunday, we attended the post-wedding brunch at my aunt and uncles house. They served some great breakfast food, quiche, coffee cake, fresh fruit, etc and of course, mimosas! We hung out (I didn’t take ANY pictures!) and just enjoyed each other for a few hours. I had fun watching all the kids do their skateboard and scooter tricks in the driveway and then finally it was time to go. I said my farewells to my Aunt Diane, Uncle Steve and to my cousins and second cousins and then me, my Aunt Boopy, Uncle Jim Bob, Mom and sister went back to Mom’s house. We hung around in the living room just talking and laughing for a few hours and then it was time for me to head to my dad’s house again.

My sister decided to tag along with me. We were having such a good time being together that I think she just wanted to stay with me and I loved having her along. We drove to Tulsa and when we arrived, I surprised Dad with my sister. He was glad to see us both there for the night. My stepmother cooked up a whole mess of chili with some crusty French bread and a caprese salad. It was really good but I burned the roof of my mouth on the very first bite! Oops! Tracy and I went for a short walk and then came back and did the dishes. The rest of the evening was spent just chatting but I was so tired that I sacked out at 9:30!

The next morning my sister had to get up really early to make the 2 hour drive back home so she could go to work. I slept in until 9:30 making a solid 12 hours of sleeping…..what a SLUG! But it felt really good to just lie in bed for so long. When I got up, my dad wanted to take us out for breakfast so we headed off to a diner called Tally’s.

Check it out, I'm in the shot too! Hello Mister Mirror!

I ordered a ton of food (WHY?????) and ended up taking half of it home. I had eggs, bacon, hash browns, pancakes and a biscuit with gravy. It was good, typical diner breakfast food but I am so glad to be home now and back to my regular breakfast of just 2 slices of flax seed and fiber toast with peanut butter.

Anyway, the only thing I had left to do when we got back to Dad’s was to photograph all those dogs individually. It was my idea because I knew my stepmother would love it but it was pretty hard. For award winning show dogs, those little mutts don’t have ANY obedience training. There is no “Sit. Stay” in their world so I was on the move trying to catch them. The big lab was the easiest to shoot because he could sit and stay and then when I made a kissy noise, he stayed put and just perked his ears up for me. Perfect. Anyway, I’m not really going to be able to tell who is who on the pictures but hopefully my stepmom will.




Once that was done, I packed up my stuff and we were off for the airport. It was a great trip and I am still working on sorting through the 1500 images I took that weekend. Whew! I’ll probably be at it all weekend but since I got a new computer, I’m lovin’ it!

In other exciting news, I’ve booked my next 2 paying gigs! The first one is a family on my block. They are very cool neighbors. They have two great kids and next weekend, some of his family from India will be in town so we are taking family portraits since they are almost never all together. There are 7 children total and 4 of them are under the age of 5 so that should make things interesting! My other gig will be shooting my neighbor Cam and Randy and Cam’s immediate family. Last year they did portraits with Randy's family and it was really expensive! Hopefully I can get some great shots for them for less than they paid last year. Anyway, I’m glad to have some work lined up.

My first MacBlog

According to UD, he is looking forward to my first MacBlog. Well, here it is Unc! Hope you enjoy. I do indeed have the iMac at home and it has completely blown my mind. It's past my bedtime and I should be snoozing but I'm too damn excited. So I'm just going to post some pics and not write too much right now. Hope you all enjoy. The Oklahoma adventure continues:

First, some shots from the wedding. Keep in mind several things:
1. I shot over 700 images and just pulled a few for the blog. I have a feeling I haven't even discovered the real treasures among all the images yet.
2. None of these have been photoshopped to make them look their best (except for one close up of my cousin Judith)
3. I could use some honest and specific feedback. If you are going to leave a comment, I'd love to hear what you REALLY think. If you think something is too dark or you find something in the background distracting, tell me. I need fresh eyes here people.

That being said, here we go!

Me, Mommy, Tracy!


Yours truly....hard at work. My awesome sister Tracy took pictures of me taking pictures. What a champ! She was like my assistant all night getting me water and a plate of food and making sure I was holding up ok. Thanks T. Love you!

Next, some of the shots from the photo shoots I did that morning of my cousins kids.

The shot below is not the best, I have better ones but it was late when I was posting these pics and I was tired. But you get the idea.

And finally, just some random shots of me and the fam and the flowers.

Me and Great Boopy!

Pop!

Mommy Honey!

And her girls Tag and Zoe.

There's for sure more to come, but this is it for today. It's payday Friday and all is right with the world!

And just as a P.S. Thanks to Deeg for tearing me away from the computer last night and forcing me into the hot tub for an hour, otherwise I may have been sucked into that vortex until 2am!

Color me excited!

Just got the call from the Apple store that my iMac is ready!!! Tonight at 6pm I take my first class in figuring out my new machine! Hurrah! I can't wait to be back up and running at home.

I met my 2nd (of 3) new trainers last night. Mark did not kick my ass as hard as Dru did but I really liked his style. Lighter weights but more reps and he worked me to failure, it was HARD work. While I didn't burn as many calories as some of my other trainers, he really kept the pressure on me and I think his technique will lend itself to some serious toning and that is perfect! I meet with Mark again tonight to work my legs and I finally get to use the kick pads Joel bought for me. I can't wait to kick and punch stuff again....GRRRRRR!!!!!POW!!! SMACK!!! Bring it on! I haven't had access to kick pads since I switched gyms way back in December. Can't wait!

Finally took my first dip in the hot tub last night (or Skank Tank as The Pirate calls it) . I invited Cammy over to soak with me and we enjoyed an hour of sipping (yes, sipping) wine and some good conversation. It was a lovely way to rest my wearing muscles after two days of ass kicking.

And just a little fyi to all my bloggity buds, I'm WAY behind in my reading up. I'll try and catch up soon but I miss you!

And that's about it for now. Lucas is a very excited little flower today! Hope you are all having a great day too!

You spent HOW much????

Well I am officially the owner of an iMac desktop computer with a giant 24 inch screen and more memory that you can shake a gig at! It's funny how different people react when you tell them how much a new toy costs. Mom said, "That's not bad at all!" while The Captain said, "Holy $hit!!! Does Steve Jobs come WITH the computer or something?" But I feel it will be well worth the money in the end. Currently, my Mac is still at the Apple store along with my laptop so they can transfer everything from my laptop into my new computer......for free! Talk about handy! But that means it will be another day or two before I have computer service at home and therefore, it will be another day or two before I can post the pics I want to. Patience my pets. Patience.

In other news, I completely got my ass kicked last night by Drew! Not anywhere nearly as cute as Zeb, Drew is a true sadist with no patience for whining. I don't whine mind you, I just think if I did, he might bitch slap me. He's a little ghetto but I like it! For the first time during a workout, I felt really nauseous! Drew and I will have a little talk about what I'm looking for since I get the feeling he would be happy to turn me into a flesh colored female version of the Incredible Hulk and I am not looking for thighs the size of tree trunks but all in all, I think we will work well together. Training sessions with Mark and Brian are still to come but I'm hopeful that I will like them as well. Joel seems to think I will anyway and he's usually pretty right on with the people he pairs me with.

Anyway because of the intense workout and multiple trips to the Apple store, I sacked out pretty early and got some great sleep. I'm off and running today and hope to be checking in again soon from my new computer! Happy Hump Day everyone!

Living on Tulsa Time!

Well, it's officially time for a new computer. And not just any computer, but a big time, professional photographer, I'm serious about my art computer. My laptop has crapped out. It's been in the last throws of its death rattle for several months now but my patience has just worn out and even though I don't have several thousand dollars hanging around, I will be buying a giant Mac desktop as soon as I return home. Trying to manage wedding portraits on a dying laptop just pushed me over the edge and so it is time to upgrade.

Because of the craptop, as I'm now calling it, I don't have any pictures to share with you just yet but wanted to check in now while I have a few minutes. I'm still in Oklahoma, at my dad's in Tulsa to be precise. My stepmother is grooming her 8, yes I said 8 dogs so that I can photograph them separately in the yard.....my idea.....really, it was. It is a gorgeous, perfect spring day here and I have a belly full of breakfast and just a lazy day in front of me until I return home this evening. The Captain will be picking me up from the airport and I can't wait to see him! Sadly, he leaves for work tomorrow so we only have a few short hours together this week before he shoves off again.

But I have big plans for this coming week while he is away. On Friday, I called my trainer Joel who, after he finished yelling at me for not being around lately (rightly so, I completely deserved it) scheduled me with training sessions for Tues, Wed and Thurs evenings. I will be meeting yet another new trainer, actually I think it will be two new trainers, one on Tues and Wed and another one on Thurs. We will see how it goes. I'm sure Joel will give them his standard pre-Lucas pep talk......"You gotta look out for Lucas. She's a tough chick. You can't just work her out like you do all these other folks. You really gotta push her or she won't be happy. She may seem scary, but really she's alright. Just work her hard and you'll be fine." or something along those lines. I think he scares all the new trainers about me because he recently told me HE was scared of me when I first came in. Wimp. What? Just because I knew exactly what I needed and wasn't afraid to tell him about it.......THAT made me scary? Whatever dude. But it's always funny when I hear "Oh, YOU'RE Lucas! I've heard about YOU!"

But I'm looking forward to getting back into everything. I've really been slacking the last few weeks especially. There's been WAY too much food and not nearly enough exercise. My goal from now until the end of May is to reign everything back in. Lean proteins, fresh fruits and veggies, little to no carbs, no diet soda, less alcohol (notice I didn't say NO alcohol; I'm not a COMPLETE idiot!) and water, water, water with 1.5 hour serious cardio workouts 3 times a week and 2 yoga sessions a week........or something along those lines. When I head to NYC in June, I'd like to be at least 5 pounds lighter. That's a big goal for me but one I think I can reach.

The other big item on my agenda for the week is to buy my new computer. Scary but exciting and once I have that up and running, I'll post the rest of my Oklahoma/wedding pics and tell you a little bit about my crazy ass 4 photo shoots in one day experience along with the rest of my Oklahoma tales as there are many.

But before I sign off for the day, I just want to note that today is an anniversary of sorts for me, as it was one year ago today exactly when I met Sol for the first time in person. If you feel like taking a trip back in time to read about that, just click here.

OOOOOOOOOOKLAHOMA.............

Well, it's been a nonstop whirlwind of activity jammed packed full of springtime goodness. The Azela's and Dogwood's are blooming, the grass is green and growing and the thunderheads are clapping! There is much to tell and I don't have much time right now but here are a few shots taken at Woodward Park in Tulsa.

A few shots I took from the rehersal dinner. (I'm in town to photograph my cousin's wedding tonight.)

A few shots I took around my mom's house.

And just a few shots from one of the three photo shoots I did this morning. More to come, I promise!

Gotta fly! Time to get ready for the wedding! I'm actually excited. All the shooting I did last night and this morning have calmed my nerves and I am feeling confident and prepared; like a professional. I've been talking with Sweet all weekend and I believe I am doing him proud!

What I've Learned

Well the euphoric phase has ended and I have settled into feeling peaceful and happy. Not ridiculously, deliriously happy, but just calm and centered. I’m just in a really good place right now. I had a great session with my therapist yesterday and she guided me towards defining the progress I have made in our nine months together. After talking it through with her and then emailing a friend who is just starting her therapeutic journey, I came up with this list of things I have learned. When I was done composing it, it felt so great to see it all in black and white that I decided to post the list. Enjoy.

* I have learned who I am. I never knew that before, never knew what I wanted or needed because I was too busy pleasing other people.
* I have learned what I need, emotionally from the people in my life. I have been able to identify holes in relationships where before I just felt angry or disappointed with the person but didn't know why.
* I have learned what the important people in my life are and are not providing me emotionally.
* I have learned what it is I need from people and that not all people can meet all my needs but I can get all my needs met through a variety of people instead of expecting one person to do it all.
* I have learned to acknowledge and deal with my feelings where before I just buried my head in the sand.
* I have learned to ask people for what I need from them. I have also learned that I can only ask. I can't control how they respond to my request.

Overall I just feel more at peace with myself. I spend less time hating myself or thinking that I am a bad person. That used to just take up hours and hours of my time sadly. I am not ending therapy but will continue my journey and continue learning about myself. And I know I’ve said this before, but I just love being 40! I am finally figuring some shit out and it feels great!

In other news, I jumped on the scale today and was not surprised to see a bit of a gain. I have been working out regularly but have probably been hitting it 4 times a week as opposed to my usual 6. I’ve also been eating and drinking whatever I like, not in huge amounts but just really enjoying myself. Last night I had a chat with a girlfriend who has recently lost a bunch of weight and really wants to dump her last 10 pounds, as do I. She challenged me to a bit of a race to see who could dump the weight first and I believe we will both be really focusing in May on cutting back. I will be cutting out lots of carbs and sugars I’ve been taking in (including alcohol) for a month and sticking with lean proteins and fresh fruits and veggies. That’s the plan anyway and the theory this that I really know how to maintain so if I can just dump this last little bit, I can settle into a long term maintenance phase. We’ll see how it goes I guess! It’s all a journey, right?

And so I wish everyone a Happy Hump Day. Mine started off with a refreshing ride to work on my motorcycle and I only expect it to get better from here. Tomorrow I leave for Oklahoma to get my hands on some family and do a TON of photo shoots. Really looking forward to that!

Drunk on Easter - The Sequal

I am experiencing a very strange euphoric phase right now. For the past 4 or 5 days I have been sublimely happy, I feel completely alive and am taking everything in. Rather than question where it's coming from, I'm just going to enjoy it for what it is right now. I'm sure at this point I am starting to get on peoples nerves.

That being said, I had THE BEST Easter! The Captain and I were invited over to The Pirate and AC's and man oh man did AC go above and beyond. I'm not sure when I had such an amazingly succulent meal! Not only was it delicious, but it was visually very stimulating and I took a ton of photos of the food. (See? Euphoric!) We of course started off with some mimosas

and began our meal with some spreadable cheese dip and homemade crackers. Yes, AC made crackers. Never in my life have I made crackers. I never even considered making crackers. Regular folks go to the store and get their crackers from a box. AC is not regular.

The crackers were to die for. We ate every single one and wished for more. There was also some smoked Lake Superior trout. I'm not much of a freshwater fish girl but I tried it anyway. I really liked the smokey flavor but it was a little fishier than I care for but I'm glad I tried it.

Next we moved onto the soup. It was a potato soup with fennel and snap peas. Again, I was worried about the fennel but I wanted to try it and I"m so glad I did. It was fantastic and the snap peas were so incredible in the soup; fresh, delicious and crispy and I enjoyed the variation of textures in the soup.

I wondered how I would have room for the main course but I decided I would just have to power through. Out came the Quiche Lorraine and while AC worried that it was overdone, it, like everything else, was fantastic, especially the crust.

Shortly after the quiche, the cheese souffle made its appearance. Creamy, smooth and fantastically cheesy, The Captain found he enjoyed it best as a topper for his quiche. We made quick work of devouring those two tasty items and then moved onto the strawberries.

Sliced up and tossed with just a hair of balsamic vinegar, they were really scrumptious and a perfect way to end the meal. Due to the large meal, ample cocktails and gorgeous weather, it was determined that a walk was in order and Jinx lead the way for us all.

After our walk, The Pirate and The Captain had a few raging rounds of Wii golf and Wii bowling and then we decided it was time address the undead. The only thing AC and The Pirate requested that we bring was a Zombie Easter Cake. Every year I make a Bunny Cake for Easter. I had never made a Zombie Bunny cake before but I was definitely up for the challenge! It was much easier than making a regular Bunny Cake because precision in decorating was not required. I just slapped that baby together and it looked fabulous. The Captain had the bright idea of bringing it over in a coffin.

And then we raised that unholy effer right out of it's grave.

It's difficult work killing the undead but The Pirate assured me that he knew just the right techniques to make that bunny good and dead. When its cries of "Braaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiins" subsided and the writhing had stopped, we dug in. I'm not sure if everyone is aware of this, but the undead are delicious!Later, Cammy swung by for a little porch time and we all started getting a little silly! While I had planned on being home much sooner, we actually stayed to watch the Rock of Love Tour Bus finale and you could have knocked me over with a feather when Brett picked Taya. Mindy was so much cooler than her. Whatever.

And so I hope you all had an enjoyable holiday as well. I have some final photos to leave you with. I'm off to enjoy my deliriously happy day! Try not to hate me.

Happy Saturday

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! Today dawned sunny and warm with a bright blue sky and the promise of spring so we fired up the motorcycles and took our first ride together of the season! The first stop was the gas station where we filled our tires with air and checked the oil levels.



After that, we were off to enjoy the day. I was a bit wobbly for about the first 5 minutes and then I settled right back into the saddle with no problems. That was a relief for me since I did take a bit of a tumble last year and I was worried about feeling fearful but all I felt was confidence and pure pleasure! As usual, a ton of stress just fell off the back of my motorcycle somewhere along the Mississippi River. Awesome! We ran a few errands and then headed to check out a marina since there appears to be a boat in our very near future. (Filthy Whore II, here we come!)

It was a lovely ride on a lovely spring day. When we came back home, the entire house smelled divine as The Captain had started simmering some pulled pork before we left. We invited h and Otto over to join us for dinner. Since I recently acquired a fancy new flash for my camera, I fired off quite a few shots of our dinner guests.

In addition to Otto, I took a few other shots of some of my favorite folks!

How freaking cute is my husband? I mean seriously! Could he be more darling? I don't think so! And that cat is not too bad either. But check out that awesome flash! No red eyes, no harsh light! I am LOVING it!!

Dinner was fantastic and I just sat in the yard marveling at how happy I felt. I hadn't really realized how badly I had been feeling until I started feeling good again. There are some identifiable reasons behind why I am feeling better but I think the biggest one is yoga. While I am in the studio practicing, I am learning so much and it is spilling over into all areas of my life. I am feeling more peaceful and more patient which is amazing because I am one of the most impatient people I know! I hear my instructors voice in my head while I'm sitting in traffic, while I'm at the grocery store surrounded by people and while I'm just relaxing. I'm focusing on being in the moment more and not living in the past or future. Had I known how powerful yoga could be I would have started so much sooner. But I think I found it at just the right time in my life as I am really coming into my own now. I am so happy to be shaking this winter off and I really am feeling the rebirth that comes along with spring!

And just as I was sitting there taking in the lovely evening, my phone rang and it was Sol. So many of his attempts to call have not been going through lately. The calls keep dropping before I can even say hello but it's been nice to know that he has been attempting to reach me. It lets me know that he is safe. But this call went through and we were able to chat for about 10 minutes. I am getting more and more anxious for this deployment to be up and I am just so ready for him to be home. I found a new blog recently written by a serviceman who is in Afghanistan and there are tons of pictures and stories that have really enlightened me to what life is like over there for Sol. While it is good to have more details, it is also bad to have more details. I should probably just forget that I ever found that blog, but this is not the bury-my-head-in-the-sand-Lucas of the past. This is acknowledge-how-you-are-feeling-and-deal-with-it-Lucas of the present and so I know I will continue to read. Check it out if you would like.

And finally, I had my very last training session with Zeb, the ass kicker. He is leaving the gym for a more lucrative position elsewhere and I am going to miss him so much! He had really been instrumental in taking my fitness to a new level and we were just really starting to have fun together. Joel assures me that he has some new trainers that I am going to love but we shall see. Here is a pic of me and Zeb. He is much prettier that I am, don't you think?

And so that' all for today peeps. I hope you are all feeling peaceful and happy and I hope wherever you are, spring has found you!

Saucy!

I’m used to not getting many comments on my blog. According to my reader there are regularly 50-70 folks who stop by daily but I get that many of you are lurkers and that’s ok. You usually step up the comments when I really need them and I appreciate that so much! But my last post scored a big bagel, a goose egg…….silencio! Petite Flower is wilting. People, after reading me for so long, have you not figured out that I am an attention whore? I freely admit it! Your comments keep me going, keep me inspired, make my days brighter if you want to know the truth. Now gimmie some lovin’ damnit! (UD, Max, Kim, Trace, Cat, TUWABVB and those of you that are regulars around here, you know who you are, you are excused!)

That being said, I am feeling like my old saucy self today. Even my co-workers have noticed that my “bounce” is back. A few days ago I cut my Celexa dose to half in order to wean myself off but have been surprised to find how good I feel on half! I’m sleeping at night, less sleepy during the day and just feeling sprightly. This awesome warm and sunny weather may have something to do with it too but I have put in an email to my doc to see if it’s ok to stay on half a dose for a while and see what happens. We’ll see what she says.

In the meantime, I kicked ass at the gym yesterday. We rocked the back and biceps yesterday and Zeb seemed to be impressed with my performance. I see him again tonight for legs and sadly, that might be our last session together. He is leaving the gym for a job that pays more and I am going to miss him so much! We are just starting to hit our stride. He knows me and my capabilities, he pushes me hard and we are just now starting to really flip each other some attitude and have fun while working out. He has really taken my fitness to a new level and I can totally see the results. Sigh. Joel swears that he has someone else that I will like just as much but in the meantime, I’m going to make Joel train me.

I’m also still hitting yoga and enjoying that very much. And I don’t want to be telling tales outside of school here, but I believe I’ve lost a few pounds. Usually, when I see 175 on the scale, it only lasts a day and is quickly replaced by that old familiar 177 but the last 3 times I’ve weighed in, it’s been 175. Hmm. I’m not getting on the scale every day, just when I feel like it and remember, about 3 times a week I think.

I’ve also started meditating…..sort of. Really, I’m just working on trying to quiet the chatter in my head. It doesn’t usually work but I have had a few brief moments here and there. Typically I get to yoga 15 minutes early and assume corpse pose and work on it there but yesterday during my lunch break, I went out to a bench in a small park near my building. I set my phone alarm to go off in 20 minutes, tilted my face towards the sun, closed my eyes and set about quieting. I was aware of the sounds, birds, wind in the trees, people strolling by, but otherwise I remained completely still for the entire 20 minutes. While I didn’t quiet all the chatter, I definitely slowed it and I’m excited to be making any progress there.

My food continues to be loosely monitored. I make healthy choices mostly, I splurge on small treats daily and the weekends are well………..for indulging! I could probably lose this last 15 pounds if I really focused on my food, cut out carbs and sweets and alcohol but honestly, I don’t want to. I’m happy right now. Feeling good, comfortable, strong, healthy and in control. And just to get a sense of how far I’ve come, check out this old post. Does anyone recognize that girl anymore? I sure don’t!

Sunday was filled with more fun with the neighbors. After enjoying a lazy breakfast at the Neighborhood Café with The Captain, we made our way to Bloomington to watch some of the hoot rats play in their championship hockey game. Sadly, they lost the bout but I brought my big camera gear and photographed the team during the game. I focused mostly on Deeg since I know him the best and I knew he wanted the shots. Later that afternoon, I walked a CD over to their house and we went through the shots together. Shooting in an ice rink is tough stuff. Lots of blue light to try and deal with. Deeg told me that he has automatically set the white balance to match that of the rink and that seems to help. Too bad he didn’t tell me that BEFORE the game. Oh well. I still got some great shots and captured some of the essence of the game.

The rest of the day was spent just slugging around. We went to the market, came home and while I finished up the laundry, The Captain cooked up a big mess of pasta primavera for me to eat while he is away. He uses tons of chicken and veggies and a light recipe with some tri-colored spiral pasta. So delish and I get out of cooking! Love you Cap!

Yesterday I struggled through my work day. I just hate leaving when The Captain is home but I have to I guess, seeing as how we are not independently wealthy or the recipients of a large inheritance or possessors of a winning lottery ticket. Sigh. He leaves today while I’m at work but luckily, he’ll be back on Friday for the weekend.

In the meantime, I need to get my butt back in action. Missed ANOTHER training appointment on Monday morning. What is WITH me???? I think I may need to stop scheduling morning sessions since I seem to miss those more than the afternoon/evening sessions. I have yoga tonight and training sessions Wed & Thurs and will try AGAIN to make the Friday night candlelight yoga. Let’s hope I don’t get derailed from that plan again. Don’t get me wrong, the talent show was totally worth missing yoga for but I really want to experience the candlelight class.

More decisions. More transitions. I have decided to wean myself off the Celexa. While I have felt certain benefits, the side effects just aren’t worth it to me. I wanted to wait a bit longer to get the full effect of the drug but The Captain and I have both agreed that we don’t feel it is right for me at this time. Add in the fact that some of the stressors I was dealing with earlier have subsided a bit and I think with yoga, therapy, a healthy diet, continued regular exercise and the support of my husband and family I’ll be able to manage just fine. I’m looking forward to not being so dang sleepy during the day and I’m looking forward to really conking out at night!

And so I hope everyone is enjoying their Tuesday. The sun is shining here, the temps are in the upper 40's so I couldn't really ask for more.

Weekend Warriors

Cheese and Rice! Weekends just don't get much better than this one. And it's not even Sunday yet. Friday night I had the best intentions of have a low key night, going to candle light yoga and doing chores before The Captain arrived home. Instead, I partook in a spontaneous neighborhood block party which included one of the best talent shows I've every been privy to see.

Deeg, Eric and Mahadev.

Me and Cess.Deeg and Cess' front porch. LOVE IT!!!The bigs watching the littles put on their talent show. Fabulous! There were instruments played (including a recorder played through the nostrils), singing, dancing, joke telling and some wicked awesome hockey puck skills. I laughed until I cried and applauded till my hands hurt!

One of my favorite parts of the evening was getting dinner. Deeg and Cess' middle child, who is 10 I think, went with me to Little Ceasers Pizza to pick up dinner for the whole crew. Being a middle child myself, I find I'm always drawn to other middle children as kindrid spirits. This kid is no exception. He's adorable for starters, gregarious, hilarious and just a good time. And it's always a plus when little kids look at you like you are a bona fide rock star! It just feels great. He kept me entertained while we waited for the pizza and then carried all 5 of them out to the car for me. Of course I spoiled him rotten. He got cookies, a soda and I let him eat a slice of pizza in the car on the way home. Cuz that's just how I roll folks. Deeg and Cess have 3 of the greatest kids ever and I love them each separately. Below is me and their middle while he was rockin' the Hannah Montana wig. What a ham!

The Captain arrived home after the party had ended sadly but he and I had a lovely reunion, as always. We slept until 9:30 and then got up for bacon, eggs, toast, tea and coffee. Several hours later we met The Pirate and The Admiral at Luce for some brunching action. While I didn't eat because I was still full from breakfast, I did enjoy 2 PBR tall boys. Yum!

After Luce, we made our way to a cigar shop. I can't list the name of it because the owners asked me not to, but it's a legit smoke shop, not a head shop. I was hugely visually stimulated and took a shit-ton of pictures. Shit-ton. It's a word. Look it up! Check out this advertisement I found in the bathroom!

There were 8 billion different kinds of baccy you could get.

The Admiral bought a corn cob pipe! Hawt!

We took our stogies, pipes and smokes to a card room and played that age old, classic card game UNO!!!!

And I wandered around and photographed EVERTHING!

And finally, the best shot of the day! I'm not really this skinny in life but HELLO! Check out the hotness!!!! I mean RIGHT?????? And how awesome does The Captain look?

Yogahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

It was close. I almost didn’t go to yoga last night. I was sunk pretty deep in the couch and feeling rather sleepy but seeing as how I hadn’t worked out in close to a week, I decided I should get my butt up and go and I’m so glad I did. The class was taught by one of the teachers I like a lot and he paces the class slowly and explains what we are doing and why we are doing it. Perfect for a beginner like me. I emerged from class calm and centered and feeling really good. It stayed with me for a long time and I actually slept really well last night.

It was still tough to drag myself out of bed this morning but at least today the sun is out and shining! Immediately after work today I head back to the gym to get my ass kicked by Zeb. It will be good to work really hard again after my lazy week of rest. And hopefully, it will bring me another good nights sleep.

I am taking tomorrow off work since it’s technically spring break and things are really slow around the office this week. There is so much to do at home including cleaning and laundry. The fridge and cupboards need re-stocking and there are just little to-dos all over. It will be nice to get all those little things done before The Captain comes home tomorrow night. He’ll be home for 4 days and we are looking forward to such a long time together!

Finally, a Sol update for you all. He’s back at his Fort in Afghanistan after being out on patrols for several weeks. He is again able to send and receive email & snail mail and he can make the occasional phone call. We have been in touch and he seems to be doing well and is in good spirits. There may be a promotion in his future so everybody think good thoughts! It won’t do much to change his current situation but it might at least get him paid a bit more for putting his ass on the line every day.

Hope everyone is enjoying their Thursday!

Update Post

It is a grey, gloomy and cold morning, the kind that makes you want to stay snuggled under the covers all day. It was really tough to throw that cozy down comforter off me today and leave the little warm furry ball that is my cat and venture out into the snow this morning but I did it. The coffee is doing little to erase the sleepy haze that follows me today and I know most of this comes from the delayed start of spring and of course, from missing The Captain.

But this is not a Woe Is Me post. This is an update post. I’ve been sort of all over the place lately and it’s time to regroup so here I go, piece by piece.

Food: It’s pretty much been whatever, whatever since getting back from vacation. It’s not been an out of control free for all, but I have definitely loosened the reigns. There are still lots of fruits and veggies but also plenty of carbs and sweets. I haven’t been tracking or planning or anything. I’ve just been living. The freedom of it is nice and (this may not win me any friends) but I have been maintaining my 177. Huh. Eventually, I would like to get back to a plan, reduce the caloric intake and carbs, quit the sweets and make the final push to lose this last 15-20 pounds or so but I’m not ready for that just yet. For now, I’m just enjoying.

Exercise: I’ve kind of taken the last week off. I haven’t worked out since last Thursday but that ends today with an evening yoga class. But I have cancelled two training sessions this week; very unlike me but again, I am giving myself a break and right now I’m just enjoying. I’ve purchased two simple yoga books and am learning more about not only the body positioning, but also about the meditation portion of it as well. It is of interest to me and I believe I will continue practicing and studying for as long as I am getting something out of it. It’s too early to say, but it’s possible I may become a big, big fan of yoga.

Therapy: Things are going well with my crazy doctor, as I call her. Last night I had a bit of a breakthrough. I don’t really want to get into what it was regarding but I do want to say that more and more things are making sense to me. Understanding my head is bringing me some clarity which I believe will lead to a greater sense of calm and peace. I am already feeling more mellow and steady, but it’s hard to know it that’s from the Celexa or not. It’s been about a month since I started it and I think I’m going to give it just one more month and then transition off it. While I enjoy feeling more centered and in control, I think with continued yoga and therapy, I can provide that for myself without the drugs. Plus, I really hate what it is doing to my sleep. Now that I take the Celexa at night I am sleeping better, but still I don’t sleep as deeply as I did before and I am up looking at the clock for a good 2-3 hours before my alarm is set to go off. That just isn’t ok with me. I love my sleep and would like to return to those deep and restful nights of sleeping soundly.

Today, I will spend the day looking at this:

The flowers that The Captain bought me on Friday have opened up so beautifully, that I felt it a shame that they sit, unappreciated on the dining room table at home so I brought one into work with me. It smells fantastic and looks so gorgeous and the petals are so soft. I hope you all have something as lovely to look at today. Happy Wednesday.